Seeking...

Who are you really? What are you here for?

For so long i wondered who i really was and what i was here for. i mean, surely, i have a purpose and there is meaning to life, right? i certainly heard people talking about soul, on TV, in songs, in books. To me i just couldn’t relate, it seemed like some airy-fairy concept that didn’t apply to me, plus i didn’t even understand what a soul was. To be honest, i didn’t give it much thought either.

It wasn’t until meeting Sree Maa at a Meetup Evening that everything changed. i was not long in recovery from alcohol addiction when i was drawn to the pathless path – to get the Absolute Truth and to work towards embodying that Truth. Sree Maa has always been so patient and introduced the answers to my questions as and when i was ready for them. So much Grace has been showered on me each day since and it is this Merciful Grace that calls me to move forward to understand who i am and who i am not, a little more each day. This happens almost effortlessly, with little work on my part.

Early on i was introduced to the amazing reality of being a non-doer. i’m not going to lie, it took me ages to get it! In my world of constant doing and self-seeking i was a bit slow to learn it and even slower to put it into practice.

So what is non-doing? For me it’s a bit like chicken and the egg. i need to understand ‘what to do’ to non-do and then by experiencing it i understand it, which leads to me non-doing more and more because when stepping back my true voice can be heard, and it has an authority about it – not conceited but firm. It leads me to act in a way that is of dharma (righteousness) rather than from my ego-driven self. We all have ego and mind. Let me tell you for me the two have been best mates!

Ego is cunning – it leads you to do things not in your best interest, to act in ways that hurt yourself or others. When i say hurt, it can be as small as having anger when triggered, to as large as committing crimes for instance. The mind then justifies the action or beats ‘you up’ over and over. Neither of which is particularly helpful! There are shades of the different aspects of ego within each of us. Sree Maa Shri Ji have helped me to realise that I have blind spots in my view of myself. For instance, i was and still catch myself from time to time acting from a position of superiority. It often appears in my work or when i am doing something ‘i am good at’. However, inside i still operate from a script or program of not being good enough or an ‘inferiority complex’! How contradictory ourselves can be!

The Self is not like this. It comes from a place of not doing or not interfering. Its when our lower nature doesn’t butt in and call the shots. In other words realising who you truly are – the seed of Bhagwan or atma (soul).

In my experience the only real way to get to this place is through surrendering to the All-Doer. Don’t get me wrong though – i still take control back on a daily basis and don’t fully operate from the Self. i am a work in P.R.O.C.E.S.S. Each day i wish to move closer to my Self and Bhagwan. Thankfully through the Grace of the Shunya Bindu i have access to knowing how to embody my True Self (Self Realisation) which is necessary before i can realise God fully; which is my purpose here.

When we are born we have so much potential and many of us may focus on getting the outward trappings of success. It seems like we have an endless ladder to climb, each rung only giving token short-lived happiness. Nothing seems to last, that’s because we are not focussing on the eternal and the Source Of All That IS. What is on offer on the path to Self Realisation and eventually God Realisation seems to be a startling awareness (that cannot be ignored) and a peace unknown to me before. There is stillness and a knowing of my Self other than the mind/body. The Observer comes forward and the doer steps back. This is liberation from self and the monkey mind that controls and brings suffering. Then your true potential is there, it is in the nothingness of you that sets you free (not identifying with your job/personality/status etc). You’d think this would be scary – but it is liberating and well worth being on the journey.

My most humble gratitude to Sree Maa Shri Ji Shreeji Maharaj for never giving up on my potential and for being my constant Guide no matter what 🙏🙏🙏